I grew up in a small town where we could barely field a Little League team, much less have an actual soccer league. From third to sixth grade, I played on different, somewhat organized teams that we’d stretch to call “recreational” today.

We played four 15-minute quarters on a full field. One year, I got angry because they gave me the MVP award, and I wanted the Best Offensive Player recognition for all the goals I’d scored. The last goal I ever scored in a competitive game happened there, a 60-yard shot that deflected off the back of my best friend.

At the start of one game, I plotted out my plan if I got the ball. I thought out each move I’d make to get around the defenders as they attacked, one by one. Then I prayed that I’d get sent the pass from the kickoff.

I did. I executed the plan flawlessly. And then, as the goalkeeper approached, I had a moment of panic. I hadn’t thought about what to do once I reached that point. I toe-punched that ball as hard as I could. It deflected off the keeper, hit both posts, and trickled across the line.

At halftime, the coach lectured the team about not being somewhere for me to get them a pass so that I had to score a goal. I thought avoiding mentioning that I wouldn’t have passed it anyway was a good idea.

Kyna blocked one of my shots on purpose because she was mad at me. Chris went in for a slide tackle but took out his dad, who was the game’s ref. Another Chris tried to save a tough shot, hit his head on the post, and couldn’t stop talking about bumblebees for the rest of the game.

These moments and more helped shape me as a player. Those opportunities became available because of the community, and that fact hasn’t changed wherever soccer is played.

How We Are Getting More Involved Outside of Soccer

Soccer wasn’t even my best sport. Growing up, I played center field with my speed and arm strength. I once hit the ball over the firehouse in sixth grade, and the opposing coach tried his best to call it a foul. I also hit one across the street in the same game. The high school coach came up to me after the last game and said to come find him the next season to do tryouts.

And I was the smart kid, not the athletic one.

In that small town, we all supported each other (and especially the kids) in the endeavors they wanted to pursue. It didn’t matter if it was outside of your comfort zone.

There were hiccups along the way. Mistakes are always part of any growth process. Maybe there were arguments or drama in the background, but I never saw that while I pushed for the next goal as a kid.

That’s the environment we’re building here at North Whidbey SC. Like my son will jokingly say, “Soccer is important, but other things are more importanter sometimes.” Here are a few of many examples.

Whidbey Royalty does some incredible things in our community. I’ve been privileged to speak with several local teens about everything from what it takes to get a first job to how to market your message so that it can be authentically heard.

The Oak Harbor Chamber is a tremendous resource for local business owners wanting to make an impact. As a board, we prioritize attending the monthly luncheons when our schedules allow. Our team supports local companies through purchases or advocacy to keep those dollars here whenever possible. I’ve also had the chance to talk about marketing and social media there, and it has been fun to see so many people putting their spin on different ideas to find success.

Dips Discs (Eric Dipzinski) hosts local PDGA frisbee golf tournaments, and we’ve been involved as a hole sponsor in honor of Archer (Sol) Beeman.

Most of this work from our leadership, down to each coach, is done on a volunteer basis.

Where Do We Go from Here?

I grew up with a simple personal motto: keep moving forward. Instead of dwelling on a mistake, learn the lessons from it and get better. That idea is something Beth and I have tried to instill in our kids and on our teams.

With many of us balancing full-time jobs, family schedules, and soccer responsibilities, some things are bound to fall through the cracks during the day. It happens to us all, even when we make every effort to not have that occur. However, we aren’t looking at those circumstances to use them as excuses.

Our goal is to build champions on and off the field. Part of that process means learning how to react to failure, just as it does to success. Acknowledge the issue, make it right if needed, and get back on track toward those goals. When our players see us learning from a mistake, they have an example they can use when something similar happens to them.

For me, when kids can practice their decision-making skills in safe environments, whether playing soccer or handling friendship conflicts, they become confident adults because they have the practical experience to evaluate situations.

Whether you’re from here, moved to be here, or just here for a spell because of orders, we are bound by the common ground of being here in our current hometown, if we allow it. Some may move and others might stay, but that is for tomorrow. Today, we can support the kids.

As another rec season starts, I look forward to the smiles, the cheers, and the emotional rollercoasters that this game we love brings. Thanks for being part of the journey.

– Graeme

We share a lot of similar statements across sports, teams, and coaches when talking about umpires and referees. It usually goes one of three ways.

• “We need to respect referees because we don’t get to play the games without them.”
• “Being a referee is a hard job, and it’s not something I’d want to do. Let’s let them do what they do best.”
• “We can agree to disagree on calls, but let’s set an example for those around us so that we don’t make the referee shortage even worse.”

For me, becoming a referee in college was about making ends meet. I worked at the local airport, did customer service on the side, and spent the weekends with youth sports with my knee wrapped and ice packs standing by between games to make everything work.

I always found that when I worked games growing up, it helped me to understand myself as a player better. That concept is what we’re attempting to build here as well. By staying active or becoming more involved, we see decision-making changes on the pitch from those that put on the shirt.

What Has Changed in My 4,000+ Games?

I started umpiring games when I was 13. In May, I get to celebrate 30 years of calling games in different sports.

During my first-ever game, I was on a three-person crew at first base. There was a bang-bang play where I heard the foot hit the bag before the ball snapped the glove. Called the runner safe. The dugout erupted, and the one comment stood out in particular: “Well – that ****ing kid missed that one.”

I had a sixth-grade basketball city championship game where I had to clear the gym because multiple fathers tried to pick a fight with me. That was 2001.

In 2002, I had a game where I called off a game-winning basket because the coach came onto the floor and the other referee restarted the play. Gave a technical foul, their player missed both free throws, and then they missed the final basket as time expired.

And the stories can keep going on. Like yesterday, when the visiting coach came onto the field and yelled, “You couldn’t give me two extra seconds to take the corner?” with his arms spread wide and trying to create a confrontation.

In my experience, sideline behavior hasn’t changed in three decades. The difference between then and now is that many people are tired of dealing with it – and more of what we’ve had to manage in the past is now getting caught on video, which means we see that what felt like an isolated issue is not that way at all.

Why North Whidbey SC Incorporates Referees into the Soccer Family

I got involved on the referee side of things post-COVID because I felt like my experiences and game management knowledge could help to stabilize things. After some internal miscommunication at the time, it was just easier to put on the shirt and pick up a whistle again to show our kids how to handle situations.

I’ve had the privilege of calling multiple games with both of my boys. We’ve received invitations to call games across the state for high-level tournaments. And getting to work with our players as colleagues in yellow has been remarkably fun, which I’m profusely grateful to our community for providing me with the opportunity to experience.

When teens receive positive support from the adults in their lives, they’re more likely to continue pursuing what they love. In the referee world, that sometimes means recognizing the bigger picture instead of getting lost in the emotion of disagreement over a call.

Working together, we’ve accomplished some incredible things.

• The mentorship structures we’ve implemented here are being duplicated across the state to the point where grant funding to support it for youth referees could be made available in the next 12-24 months.
• Our club consistently has one of the highest assignment fulfilment rates in our district, with some months at 100% at a time when referee shortages are driving people away.
• When our teams travel, we have become one of the first teams to receive requests to take games instead of one of the last because of the culture we’ve worked together to build.

During B09’s final Founders Cup tournament game, we had a mentor and a liaison present with a full crew. Two years ago, we’d have been lucky to get a CR at the same location. The quality of the game management from our teens is so high that they’ve been asked to write reports to submit to me, and then potentially our assignor, if they feel something out of the ordinary took place during one of their games as players.

And speaking of our assignor, Felix is active with us on social media. He travels from Montana frequently to take games and mentor our kids so that they receive multiple perspectives. We’ve had Mark come up from the south end to do the same.

This combination has led us to having one of the largest concentrations of active youth referees (per capita) in the state.

How You Can Help Us to Keep Growing in This Area

In my four years with North Whidbey SC, we’ve seen enrollment levels double in Deception FC. Our recreational program for Spring 2024 has about 40% more participants this season than our first coming out of the COVID restrictions.

For the competitive side, we’ve accomplished things this past season that haven’t been seen in a generation. What I love about all this is that from a board perspective, we feel like we’re only getting started on this journey.

As part of this growth journey, we’ve partnered with Darigold FIT to create more scholarship and funding opportunities. Our local sponsors have stepped up this year as well, despite the changes to what we offer, so that we can continue getting as many kids as possible onto the pitch while bringing the community closer together to support each other.

We can always use more referees within our ranks! The cost to become a referee is about $150 after taking the classes and purchasing the apparel. You’ll earn that back quickly enough, and those expenses are potentially tax-deductible. In return, you get to be around a game you love while seeing it from a different perspective.

You must be at least 13 years old to become a referee. We’d love to have more adults get involved in this aspect of our service as well, even if you only want to run lines or work the younger age groups in our recreational program.

Finally, if something does happen in a game where you feel like a call was missed or a situation could be improved, I ask that instead of confronting the referee, come speak with me or send me a note about the situation. That way, we can listen to each other while helping our teens become the best they can be when wearing yellow and carrying a whistle.

-Graeme

After 4,000 games, a lot of plays become a blur in the memory. Having been an official in multiple sports since 1999, I can also tell you that some moments stand out more than others.

During the Spring 2022 recreational season, I was centering one of our U15 co-ed games. A player comes in hard, flies through the tackle late, and the studs are high. I stop the play immediately, show the caution, and explain it simply, “You were late. The studs were exposed. Sorry. That’s a caution.”

From that moment until the end of the game, that kid was on my every call. Every two or three minutes, there was a short comment under his breath. “Aren’t you going to call that?” or “What about that play, R-E-F?”

I came home that afternoon and straight up said, “That kid won’t play on my team. Ever.”

I didn’t realize it then, but that private statement epitomized the environment I wanted to avoid within the teams I was coaching. Instead of evaluating the entire player, I was evaluating a single moment and filling in the blanks with my own preconceived notions.

The internal struggle that realization created was surprisingly difficult because it forced me to reconsider many of my decisions. Was I allowing bias to control the narrative? Did I make choices because they were better for others, or better for me as a coach because they made my life easier?

How Do We Let Go of Preconceived Notions as Coaches?

Within our club, we’ve had healthy debates on how to approach the concept of curriculum. On one hand, we want our players to embrace their creative side, make choices based on what they see, and trust their instincts.

On the other hand, we want to build the essential skills our sport demands to be competitive in a constantly evolving world.

Here are some of the important points that come to mind for me when trying to stay present during that delicate balancing act as we seek growth.

1. Reflect on How You Coach

Take time to review your coaching methods. Ask yourself if your techniques are based on personal preferences or if they are truly beneficial for your players and team. I know how easy it is to stay in that comfort zone, but what growth could happen if you’re willing to embrace some risk?

2. Observe and Experiment

Don’t be afraid to try new strategies or techniques. When you try something new, you’ll gain valuable insights into your players, your staff, and yourself. You never really know what moment might challenge what you think you know.

3. Ask for Feedback

Try to engage with other coaches, players, and parents for feedback. Be willing to ask the tough questions in conversations with people you might rather try to avoid. Gaining a different perspective can highlight unfair or unnecessary assumptions that you thought were innovative ideas.

4. Focus on the Process

Instead of fixating on winning as the only goal, emphasize skill development, teamwork, and enjoyment. This mindset can shift your focus from traditional views of success to a more holistic approach. We’ve often found that when you build a strong foundation, the wins start coming soon after anyway.

5. Be Open to Change

I love soccer because it is such a dynamic sport. What worked yesterday might not work tomorrow. If you have a willingness to change your approach based on new circumstances or information, you can help yourself and your players be ready for the next challenge when it arrives.

6. Keep Working

It takes a conscious choice to keep pushing forward. We must be willing to keep trying to get better if we’re to encourage others to do the same. Working together is what makes us stronger, even when there are differences of opinion involved.

And going back to how it started…

So, that kid I started talking about on this post. He played for me this past season, and he’s been engaged in nearly every development opportunity our club offers. I got to see his first competitive goal. He hit a ridiculous 25-yard volley that ended up being the game-winner that day. And as I witnessed the moment, I also went back to the past where I showed him a caution.

None of that would have likely happened if I’d stuck to my initial perspective. I have learned that as a coach, sometimes the best thing I can do is to get out of someone’s way and let them take risks, be creative, and explore opportunities.

Building a championship culture means that we take responsibility and remove the excuse. It’s not good enough to write it or teach it. We’ve got to do it. That’s what you can expect from us in 2024. Together.

-Graeme