After 4,000 games, a lot of plays become a blur in the memory. Having been an official in multiple sports since 1999, I can also tell you that some moments stand out more than others.

During the Spring 2022 recreational season, I was centering one of our U15 co-ed games. A player comes in hard, flies through the tackle late, and the studs are high. I stop the play immediately, show the caution, and explain it simply, “You were late. The studs were exposed. Sorry. That’s a caution.”

From that moment until the end of the game, that kid was on my every call. Every two or three minutes, there was a short comment under his breath. “Aren’t you going to call that?” or “What about that play, R-E-F?”

I came home that afternoon and straight up said, “That kid won’t play on my team. Ever.”

I didn’t realize it then, but that private statement epitomized the environment I wanted to avoid within the teams I was coaching. Instead of evaluating the entire player, I was evaluating a single moment and filling in the blanks with my own preconceived notions.

The internal struggle that realization created was surprisingly difficult because it forced me to reconsider many of my decisions. Was I allowing bias to control the narrative? Did I make choices because they were better for others, or better for me as a coach because they made my life easier?

How Do We Let Go of Preconceived Notions as Coaches?

Within our club, we’ve had healthy debates on how to approach the concept of curriculum. On one hand, we want our players to embrace their creative side, make choices based on what they see, and trust their instincts.

On the other hand, we want to build the essential skills our sport demands to be competitive in a constantly evolving world.

Here are some of the important points that come to mind for me when trying to stay present during that delicate balancing act as we seek growth.

1. Reflect on How You Coach

Take time to review your coaching methods. Ask yourself if your techniques are based on personal preferences or if they are truly beneficial for your players and team. I know how easy it is to stay in that comfort zone, but what growth could happen if you’re willing to embrace some risk?

2. Observe and Experiment

Don’t be afraid to try new strategies or techniques. When you try something new, you’ll gain valuable insights into your players, your staff, and yourself. You never really know what moment might challenge what you think you know.

3. Ask for Feedback

Try to engage with other coaches, players, and parents for feedback. Be willing to ask the tough questions in conversations with people you might rather try to avoid. Gaining a different perspective can highlight unfair or unnecessary assumptions that you thought were innovative ideas.

4. Focus on the Process

Instead of fixating on winning as the only goal, emphasize skill development, teamwork, and enjoyment. This mindset can shift your focus from traditional views of success to a more holistic approach. We’ve often found that when you build a strong foundation, the wins start coming soon after anyway.

5. Be Open to Change

I love soccer because it is such a dynamic sport. What worked yesterday might not work tomorrow. If you have a willingness to change your approach based on new circumstances or information, you can help yourself and your players be ready for the next challenge when it arrives.

6. Keep Working

It takes a conscious choice to keep pushing forward. We must be willing to keep trying to get better if we’re to encourage others to do the same. Working together is what makes us stronger, even when there are differences of opinion involved.

And going back to how it started…

So, that kid I started talking about on this post. He played for me this past season, and he’s been engaged in nearly every development opportunity our club offers. I got to see his first competitive goal. He hit a ridiculous 25-yard volley that ended up being the game-winner that day. And as I witnessed the moment, I also went back to the past where I showed him a caution.

None of that would have likely happened if I’d stuck to my initial perspective. I have learned that as a coach, sometimes the best thing I can do is to get out of someone’s way and let them take risks, be creative, and explore opportunities.

Building a championship culture means that we take responsibility and remove the excuse. It’s not good enough to write it or teach it. We’ve got to do it. That’s what you can expect from us in 2024. Together.

-Graeme